CH 19 Forgiveness & Reconciliation
Jesus had much to say about the importance and beauty of forgiveness. We will see in a moment that he parabolically teaches that we have been infinitely forgiven by the Father and as such, we are expected to forgive one another. He also made the connection that as we forgive, we lose bitterness and set the stage for both healing & reconciliation.
You may recall that we discussed forgiveness previously in chapter four of this book when we considered the Lord’s Prayer. We learned that to forgive means to release a debt. Contrastingly, Jesus taught that if we cannot forgive men their trespasses, that our trespasses will also not be forgiven by the Father and will continue to bother us as we live our lives. The importance of burying the hatchet was emphasized. But we made the distinction that forgiveness was not the path to salvation, clearly, that being our faith in Christ, but the ability to forgive does place us on the road to freedom in this life! We also commented that forgiveness is so beautiful as it does not demand any action by the debtor, only the one doing the forgiving. There is no requirement for the trespasser to apologize for forgiveness to occur. But of course, if the wrongdoer does ask for pardon, then the stage is set for reconciliation. Lastly, we saw that forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. We noted that forgetting might even be considered foolish, if after releasing a person who has wronged us without that person seeking restitution, that we go ahead and forget the injustice. That just sets the stage for the same abuse to again occur. No, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Only God is able to do that! (Psalm 103:12)
In this chapter, I would like to discuss two parables which Jesus shared. The first one illustrates the importance of forgiveness. We will note in it, like faith & works from our last chapter, that there is tension between salvation & the ability to forgive our neighbor. That is, Jesus will clarify for us that forgiveness is actually a proof, another evidence of the changed heart of the saved soul. Again, forgiveness is not the requirement for salvation, but the confirmation. The second parable will give much insight into the pathway to reconciliation with our neighbor as well as explain the different ways the Lord works to reconcile men & women unto himself.
Forgiveness & the Unforgiving Servant:
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times? Matthew 18:21
The Law stated that a man was to forgive his brother three times before disassociating with him. This question of Peter’s came on the coattails of the discussion Jesus had with his disciples on who would be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Peter, after learning it is the one who becomes as a child, must have thought he was being pretty magnanimous by suggesting he could forgive his brother seven times.
Of course, God is so completely different than we are. Look at Jesus’ response; “I say not unto thee, until seven times: But, until seventy times seven,” (Matthew 18:22). In the realm of forgiveness, four hundred and ninety times would be an uncountable, an unattainable number. That’s the idea. We are to forgive our neighbor and then keep forgiving. This is so counter to the World’s way. God would have it be mercy over judgment. The World we live in is just the opposite. Judgment over mercy is the default setting. This world-view often spills over to us Christians. We are pretty good at recognizing that we have been forgiven, the problem is, that we forget that others are too! As has been said, my job is to love & leave the judging to God. Often, I get this mixed up and do the judging and leave the loving to God! In fact, to the extent that I am judgmental and legalistic is the degree that I am loveless. Better to be magnanimous & whimsical. This is such a better way to live than one who is self-wired to be critical and harsh. Solomon locks in this truth with these beautiful words found in Proverbs 19:11, “The discretion of a man defers his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”
Jesus emphasizes this truth with the following awesome and equally convicting parable about forgiveness in the Kingdom.
Therefore, is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. Matthew 18:23
We’ve talked about this before. Obviously, God is the “certain king.” We are the servants. And as we have seen previously, at the end of the Age, the Lord will take account of his servants. We noted that Paul called this the “Bema Seat,” also called the awards banquet. It is the time when the things we did in faith, hope & love will be acknowledged and will carry forward with us into the Kingdom Age, (1 Corinthians 13:13).
And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. Matthew 18:24
A talent is fifty pounds of gold. Thus, ten thousand talents is a half a million pounds of gold! Clearly an incalculable amount and one that no one can pay off. This is all of us. We are the one brought to him owing an unpayable amount.
But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. Matthew 18:25
This is a type or a picture of Hell, of separation from God, as we have discussed earlier. Not a good spot for men and women at this point in the parable. But things are about to get much better…
The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord… Matthew 18:26a
The servant worshipped the king. He called him, “Lord.” He was saved. He was born from death to life. This point in the parable typifies the new birth! And look what happens…His debt will be completely forgiven as he prays to the king.
…have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. (Not true, but God ignores that little blind spot, moving on.) Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. Matthew 18:26b-27 (italics added)
The most common emotional response seen in the Gospels by Jesus towards others is his profound compassion! This is me; this is you. We have received forgiveness and empathy from our Lord. We no longer owe an impossible debt that can never be repaid. This parable shows the utter folly of a “works” based road to Heaven. Being a good person, having good works, can never cover the multitude and debt of sin we have incurred.
If the parable ended here, we could all celebrate and revel in the kindness we have received. But it doesn’t, there is a huge warning that all children of God must incorporate into their lives. If we don’t, we risk losing everything!
But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him a hundred pence: (Two days wages; not insignificant, but certainly not a half million pounds of gold.) And he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, pay me that you owe. And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, have patience with me, and I will repay you all. Matthew 18:28-29 (parenthesis added)
This sounds very familiar. Like us, the servants who owed the king an incalculable amount, the second servant, who owed two days wages, asked for mercy. You can make the argument that this request wasn’t even necessary for him to receive forgiveness from the man whom the king had already forgiven, but to his credit, he does indeed beg for patience, knowing that this amount, two days wages, can indeed be paid off in time.
On a tangential note, this portion of the parable shows that nothing we need to forgive others of even comes close to what we’ve been forgiven of by the Father. Let that sink in for a moment…Rape, racism, murder, etc. Are you saying these sins are less serious than what the Lord has delivered me from you may be thinking? Well, yes! God is holy and we are not. In his economy, those sins, as bad as they are to us, are only two days’ wages compared to the mountain of debt we have acquired. Every time a man looks at a woman with lust it compares to rape, each time I show partiality it equates to racism & as often as I am angry without a cause it is equivalent to murder.
Okay, moving on, look at what the unforgiving servant does next. It is not good, and we must learn from his selfish and forgetful mistake.
And he would not: But went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So, when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told their lord all that was done. Matthew 18:30-31
Not only did the unforgiving servant forget that he had been pardoned greatly, but apparently, he seemed to think that his lord would not learn about his inability to imitate his master in the area of forgiveness & compassion. Of course, this is not the case with our God. He sees all, he doesn’t grow faint or weary, (Isaiah 40:25-28).
Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because you asked me: Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you? And his lord was angry, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due him. So likewise, shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if you from your heart forgive not your brother. Matthew 18:32-35
Lack of forgiveness is tormenting in itself. I need to forgive for myself, more than for the other person in debt to me. Unforgiving people are small, petty, bound, angry and bitter. These are the characteristics that merciless people end up demonstrating! As Lewis Smedes has famously said, to forgive is to set a prisoner free, and then to discover that the prisoner is you.”
On another note, we see that the unforgiving servant was delivered to the tormenters. This is the warning I spoke of earlier! Jesus’ statement of being delivered to the tormentors is his way of describing Hell, of telling of separation from the Father. How can this be? For in the beginning of the parable, which clearly speaks of the Kingdom of Heaven, the servant was forgiven his debt. We would say, he was saved. There are two points of view to explain this.
The first explanation is that the servant was not really saved. As we discussed earlier, the ability to forgive is one of the evidences of our salvation. The inability to forgive may indicate a person who has head knowledge of Jesus but no heart relationship with the Lord. That person misses Heaven by eighteen inches, the distance from the head to the heart! How sad!
The second way of looking at this apparent change of heart by the Father is that the servant was saved, but then walked away from his salvation. This one is above my pay grade as I would like to believe that once a person is saved, he cannot lose his salvation. But that may not be the same as walking away from it! Peter seems to preach in his second epistle that the state of apostacy is actually worse than the state of ignorance. He appears to say that one can walk away from their salvation and, that state is worse than not ever believing at all.
For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they had known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. 2 Peter 2:20-21
This is sobering! But as we have discussed many times in this book. God is love. We must always read the Bible with that tone in mind. He is not heavy-handed and mean. But love allows for choice. In our case of free will, we may have the choice to walk away from Him. It is his love that cries out in sadness if and when one should do that! But it is his love that allows one to make such a tragic mistake. For without free will, a love relationship with him is impossible.
Ok, now back to this important parable for those of us who do not desire to live a life like the unforgiving servant. We see that the response to God’s grace is to give grace to others. And there is a tension to grace. It is as if we actually have a debt of grace which we owe to others because of what Christ has done for us. The definition of grace is undeserved, unearned favor. Thus, to respond in grace to another can be to love a person when they are undeserving and unexpecting it from me. It can be to give acts of service, James would call it works, to people who cannot return the blessing. And most certainly, it is to forgive others, to release them, even when they are undeserving, just like our Lord did for us, (Romans 5:8). Our response to this kind of grace is to continually promote mercy over judgment!
There is also an expiration date on the grace we have received from the Father. That is, it is over when we die. Therefore, we must prioritize our lives accordingly. Choose light over the allure of darkness. There is a gravitational pull in this life from the Devil, the World & our flesh to trivialize our lives. Don’t do it! Keep running, and like a race, pick up the pace as you see the finish line drawing near!
Bitterness vs Health:
A moment ago, we shared that to forgive is to set a prisoner free, only to find out that the prisoner is me. This is because unforgiveness travels with bitterness. There is hardly anything more toxic to the soul than a bitter heart, (Galatians 5:15). That person becomes defined by their dysfunction while the forgiving soul is defined by their deliverance! One of the first Bible verses my former pastor taught his kids was Ephesians 4:32. It is a good one to memorize. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” This verse is the answer to verse 31 where Paul preaches to put away all bitterness. Forgiveness is always the way to leave bitterness behind.
In Exodus 15 there is a wonderful Old Testament picture of this principle. The children of Israel had departed Egypt and were in the desert. It was dry & dusty. They were tired & thirsty. Then all of a sudden, they came to an apparent oasis with a pool full of water for the people and their livestock. Unfortunately, though, the water was bitter. So, the people complained against God & Moses for bringing them to such a place. But God was teaching them about bitterness, unbeknownst to them at that time. He told Moses to cast a tree into the pool and the waters would become sweet. In Old Testament typology, the tree is a type of the Cross of Christ, a picture of his sacrifice for us. When we consider the Cross, when we become Cross-eyed so to speak, bitterness departs. This is the lesson, never forget what Jesus has done for us. It is health to our souls. Indeed, continuing in Exodus 15, because of this deliverance, God revealed to Moses and Israel for the first time another name of his. A name that describes his nature. “Jehovah Raphe,” the God who heals. For indeed, remembering what the Lord has done for me brings sweetness to my soul, removes bitterness and promotes health to my body & my soul.
The Good Shepherd, the Lost Coin & the Prodigal Son:
Along with the way of forgiveness, this chapter is also about reconciliation. Jesus will now teach us from three of his most famous parables that show how God reconciles men & women to himself as well as give us a template on how we should reconcile with others. We will see that the three stories are actually one teaching about forgiveness & reconciliation. I would go so far as to say Luke 15 is the greatest chapter in the Bible illustrating the beauty of these two principles. Let’s look at the Good Shepherd, the Lost Coin and the Prodigal Son.
Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him. And the Pharisees and the scribes murmured, saying, this man receives sinners, and eats with them. Luke 15:1-2
Setting the stage for his great teaching, the Pharisees & the scribes were the legalists of Jesus’ day. They were the loveless & judgmental, holier-than-thou leaders who had no interest in reconciling and receiving those not as versed in God’s Word. Obviously, their religiosity conflicted head-on with Jesus’ mission of seeking and saving the lost. But due to their hypocrisy, Jesus can now unleash this great teaching upon them as a rebuke and on the humble as a directive.
And he spoke this parable unto them, saying, what man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which was lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it upon his shoulder, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying unto them, rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repents, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance. Luke 15:3-7
There is sarcasm in Jesus’ words towards the murmurers. He equates them as the ninety-nine who need no repentance. Of course, this is not true in any man’s case, but they were not in a frame of mind to accept that basic Biblical doctrine, (Psalm 14:1-3).
We see that the Kingdom mentality has the Good Shepherd going after the lost lamb. This first of the three parables speaks of a Blundering Believer who foolishly walks into sin. In this case, Jesus, the Second Person of the Trinity, is pictured seeking out the wandering soul. Paul teaches us the same approach for the Blundering Believer. “If a man be overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness,” (Galatians 6:1). We see Jesus walking with this one who has been separated from the flock. We are to do the same. Go get the sinner who has been foolish and walk with him reconciling him back into the fellowship of believers. Bring that lamb back to the flock.
Either what woman having ten pieces of silver (Her dowry; very valuable to her!) if she lose one piece, does not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently until she find it? And when she has found it, she calls her friends and her neighbors together, saying, rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repents. Luke 15:8-10 (parenthesis added)
In this second part of this three-fold parable, we have not a foolishly lost lamb being spoken of but a carelessly lost coin. Instead of the Blundering Believer we see the Beguiled Brethren! This one is tricked, so to speak, by being inattentive. Also, in this portion of the parable we see the Holy Spirit pictured by the woman who diligently searches out her house to regain the lost portion of her dowry. For us in reconciling the Beguiled Brethren, we want to share truth. Talk with him, correct him with right teaching from the Word in order to bring him back into the fellowship.
So, in the cases of the foolish lamb & the careless woman losing her coin, we who are spiritual are to make the first move in order to have reconciliation occur. We will see in the Parable of the Prodigal Son that this is not the case. We must hold back, pray from that one, but most critically for reconciliation to occur, we must wait!
And he said, a certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arouse a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: But no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, how many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and am no more worthy to be called your son: Make me as one of your hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight, and am no more worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, bring forth the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. Luke 15:11-24
In this, one of the most famous of all of Jesus’ parables, we see a Defiant Brother whose sin is that of rebelliousness. In this case, the Father is pictured, completing the Trinity of Son, Holy Spirit and Father, but here we see that he does not go after his son but patiently and longingly waits for him to return. This advice is crucial for the Church, for parents of adult children, for families, to understand. We must let a rebellious member of our church or a defiant adult child go when they are sucked into the sin of rebelliousness. Pray for that person, that child, for sure, but don’t go after them. That will wreck whatever work God will perform in their heart as they realize their sin and stupidity. If your heartstrings lead you to rescue the runaway before God’s work is done, the sin problem will remain and you will keep having to do the rescuing, (Proverbs 19:19).
A vignette in First and Second Corinthians illustrates this approach well. In Paul’s first epistle to Corinth there was a man of the congregation living in sin with his mother-in-law. The Corinthians were proud of their liberality and tolerance in allowing this behavior to go on unmentioned in their midst. Paul, in no uncertain terms, told the church to disassociate with the man in the hopes that he would come to his senses concerning this blatant sin. Indeed, that apparently occurred, for in his second epistle Paul told the believers to accept the man back into their fellowship as he had repented and should be exonerated. This is how we must deal with the sin of rebelliousness. It is very hard to do, but Oh so important.
Jude sums up this difference between the foolish & careless verses the rebellious & hardened in his words about evangelism to the lost. “And to some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire,” (Jude 22-23). That is, share grace to the broken. “Jesus loves you and died for your sins. Know that the goodness of God leads to repentance,” etc. But to the hardened, share the Law. “All, (You) have sinned, the wages of sin is death, the plane is going down and you don’t have a parachute!” If I don’t plow the soil of the Defiant Brother’s heart with tough love, then he will remain like the first category of soil in Jesus’ parable of the Sower & the Seed. That soil, you may remember, was the pathway which was compacted down by foot traffic and could not receive the seed.
Notice also, in all three of these parables that there is a happy ending. There is great rejoicing! These stories reveal that we can trust the Father, Son & Holy Spirit to rescue our loved ones. He will go about it differently depending upon the circumstances, but he will not lose his sheep, his dowry or his sons, (John 17:12). Truly reconciliation is wonderful & God is faithful.
David sings of pardon & peace with God with these beautiful lyrics;
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputes not iniquity. Psalm 32:1-2
This song, which was Paul’s springboard of his teaching of salvation by faith over works, found in Romans chapter four, sings of course of what the Lord has done for us and pictures what we must do in our interactions with others. Indeed, the ability to forgive is a major doctrine of the Bible and one that all believers must become very adept.
In conclusion, we have talked much of the Fear of the Lord (the respect & the awe of the Lord) in this book. And again, this mindset is in play in the area of forgiveness and reconciliation. For the Fear of the Lord combined with the decision to love God & others is the one-two punch for a successful life. But there is a difference to understand between selfless love described in 1 Corinthians 13 and the Fear of the Lord. That is, love is a verb, it is a decision, not a feeling, while the Fear of the Lord is an actual mind-set, it is a paradigm. Thus, the Fear of the Lord is not as vulnerable to attacks from Hell as our fickle feelings can be. The Fear of the Lord causes men to depart evil (Proverbs 16:6) and thereby enables us to live holier than when we are just walking in the decision to love God & people.
Why is this important? We talked about the possibility of walking away from our salvation earlier. As far as I can tell there are two ways believers can accomplish this terrible outcome for their lives. First, persistent unrepented sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-10) & secondly, persistent bitterness and unforgiveness. But there are three ways to protect against this possibility. They include living in the Fear of the Lord, realizing the price he paid to deliver us and looking for his return. Living in these three things will keep you in the center of his heart.
Lastly, there is a circle involving the Fear of the Lord and forgiveness which leads to beautiful intimacy with our God. Let me show you; the Fear of the Lord leads to repentance (Proverbs 16:6) which leads to ability to forgive (as we learned what the Lord did for us, we want to forgive others as the parable of the unforgiving servant teaches). He who is forgiven much, loves much, (Luke 7:47). And this love we have for God leads to much intimacy with him. All of which results from our world-view of living in the Fear of the Lord.
So, in coming full circle, the God who is Love has forgiven and reconciled the entire World. But reconciliation is a two-way street. Love does not force itself. Forgiveness implies reconciliation, but both parties must act for it to occur. Salvation works the same way! It is not the nature of love to force a relationship, but it is its nature to open the way.
Summary:
Forgiveness is most beautiful. It drives away bitterness and sets the stage for both healing & possible reconciliation.
The ability to forgive others is another evidence, like a life filled with good works, of the changed heart of the saved soul.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant shows that a “works-based” theology is utterly ridiculous in regards to obtaining salvation.
That same parable teaches that any sin we may forgive another of is a two days wages compared to the mountain of debt we have incurred and been forgiven of by God.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant implies that the response to God’s grace is to give grace to others.
Bitterness is toxic to the soul and hurts the bitter person, not the one who is the cause of those feelings.
The Parables of the Good Shepherd, the Lost Coin & the Prodigal Son reveal three different ways a believer can backslide…foolishness, carelessness & rebelliousness.
The Parables of the Good Shepherd and the Lost Coin show us to imitate God & go after the Blundering Believer & the Beguiled Brethren. Walk with them & share truth in love & meekness.
God is love. It is not in his nature to force a relationship with men & women. But it is in his nature to open the way!
For Further Study:
How is forgiveness different from reconciliation?
According to Proverbs 19:11, what does God consider glorious?
What is the most common emotional response of Jesus towards others who come to him in humility?
Do you feel that every person who has wronged you is worthy of forgiveness? Would / Should God forgive Adolph Hitler if he had asked for it in true repentance? How does that make you feel?
Can a person know much about the Lord & the Bible and not be saved? Can a saved person lose his salvation? Can she walk away from it?
What is grace? How can you extend it to others?
What often happens in the heart of a person that you treat with love who is undeserving and unexpecting it from you?
What does the story in Exodus 15 teach about bitterness?
According to the Parable of the Prodigal Son, what is the best way to reconcile with a rebellious adult? Does the Bible suggest using that method for a young child? Hint: See Proverbs 19:18, 22:6&15, 23:13-14 & 29:15.
According to Jude, what is the best way to share truth to the broken? To the hardened?
How is living in the Fear of the Lord different than the desire to walk in love towards God & others?